Taco

Today, I had lunch at 2 pm because I dozed off for a power nap after my 11am to 12 noon class, American Literature. I woke up at quarter to two, quite hungry. But I didn't eat just yet because my thesis group was waiting for me. And my tummy gratification had to get postponed for more or less 30 minutes.

It was quite un-nice that I spent those thirty minutes getting awkward with myself. It seemed that I was just called to show up, but not really to do some help. So I was there sitting next to my thesis mates with only Ethel doing the work, and the rest of the block laughing heartily at their jokes, while I was getting quite bummed at how I could not relate to their conversation. Plus the thought of having to keep my hungry stomach waiting just for nothing.

By the end of the 30-minute awkward battle with my mind, I found the right tick to tell Ethel I had to go grab my lunch for the meantime that I was not doing anything. So I grabbed my bag, left and headed for the school cafeteria.

I honestly didn't know what to eat, so I approached my usual thing lately- Breakfast Club. It has become my first stop in school these days since I fell in love with their Nescafe mocha. (Click previous post for photo). The funny thing about this cafe mocha is that, even if it is mechanically prepared, meaning that you just go push some buttons on a coffee machine, the taste is not consistent. Sometimes it's too black, sometimes so creamy (this is what I like), and sometimes too sweet. Nevertheless, I fell in love with it. And that's what I don't understand. Maybe I like how I order it without knowing what to expect.

Since it was past breakfast and lunch, Breakfast Club unfortunately got no more food but sunny side-up eggs which didn't really click with my stomach's brain. So I went straight to Pansitan and bought Palabok instead. It didn't taste as good as I was still in first year. (This is my fourth year in Ateneo by the way.) Nonetheless, due to hunger, I devoured all of it.

It was not a comforting lunch really. How I had to feel out of place in the midst of old friends, how Breakfast Club didn't leave me any pork tocino or bacon floddies, how the palabok didn't taste as good as I wanted, and how I had to eat alone with all of these things going on.

Dissatisfied, I bought a soft taco and large Coke. I was really boggled about how to properly eat the taco. You know, how to eat it without messing on my shirt and face. I was never really master of taco-eating and whenever I'm the one holding it, the shit hits the fan. Many times, I would go home to the dorm and change skirt just because it got taco sauce all over it.

So I stared at it for a while. And then, I started compressing the part I was going to bite, just so the bits would go compact and easier to chomp. I did it all the way down- compress and bite- and it worked. The taco didn't go crap on my shirt and face. Thanks Heavens.

But taco wasn't really quite the same as usual. I usually go buy another after taking one down. But this time, I only consumed half of it and I just did not enjoy it that much. It didn't taste like it was happy. And I felt like the bits inside it were fighting. The contents did not go well together. And something about it wasn't really comforting. So I didn't finish it. I just unrolled it and ate all the beef out.

And I was there at the cafeteria like a drop sun in the big sea. The only thing I know is the chaos in my mind.